AWAY WITH WORDS

And Forever Young ...

It occurs to me, as I make more and more posts in a conversational style as if I'm talking to you, that I'm assuming you have been reading me like a book from day one.  Well, that's probably nonsense.  I mean, I may have a few loyal followers who faithfully check in every day (in addition to the one lady that I pay), but a lot of you might just pop in now and then.

So assuming you do NOT read me every day, you may be confused, frightened, or horrified at what may appear to you to be typos and/or idiotic verbage.  I wanted to set up this page to clarify that there are not typos in my posts, I beg your pardon.  I prefer to think of them as new words and why not?  Young people are constantly making up new words.  And lawyers, please, they are always verbizing nouns, so why can't I? 

I've given my typing style an acronym, which is TWO, which stands for:

"Typing While Old"

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I've been a legal secretary/assistant/paralegal/administrator for almost 45 years.  I have prided myself on being an excellent, speedy, and accurate typist for most of my life and I'm sick of it.  I prefer to just let it happen now and I find it quite amusing to see the outcome of my fingers' failure to connect with what my brain is thinking.  My fingers, at this point, often go off willy-nilly.  At least I hope to God it's the fingers that are going off willy-nilly and not the brain.  So, basically, if I find typos amusing, I leave them.  I like long run-on sentences and I overuse quotes and I start sentences with "And."  (Which, BTW, is actually okay according to the Gregg Reference Manual.)

I've been a crossword puzzle fan since I can remember and have always loved words.  So you'll see here that I sometimes make up stories and new words and I play with old words with a dry and sarcastic wit.  If there's irony, that's even better.  Sometimes I find words to be easily stylized into morfisms, or I use the dictionary's second or third meaning, or I use homonyms.  It's just a fun thing I sometimes dew.

I do proof-read as best I can, even though I usually skip the spell-check since that would defeat the whole porpoise.  Once in a while I will change the words that come completely out of left field (that happens, too, sometimes), because I don't want you to think I've lost ALL my marbles. 

Mister says, "Geez, hon, people will think you're an idiot."  This from a guy who truly couldn't care less what people think of him.  After all these years, I'm trying to finally embrace his viewpoint, and he is concerned for me?  I love the irony in that.

But obviously I do care what you think and that you not think me an idiot or I wouldn't have explained all this.

So there you halve it.

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I did a post here on February 8, 2013 and in it I included the following:

My sister, Dood, sent me an email she got from someone containing an essay written by A. Nonnie Mouse.  Since she prefers to remain unrecognized, I've gone ahead and taken some liberties with the text of the original email and then, after the quoted section, I've added a few of my own.  I'm sure I'll think of more after I've published this post.

I have visited many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.  Apparently you can't go alone.  You have to be in Cahoots with someone.  

I've also never been in Cognito.  I hear no one recognizes you there, and the town is made up mostly of the family of A. Nonnie Mouse.

I have, however, been in Sane.  They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have personally made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family, and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but to get there you have to jump.  I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I've also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go and I try not to visit there often.

I have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I visited.  It's an age thing.  I just remember that it was very wet and damp there.

I've been in Flexible a time or two, but only when it was important that I stand firm.

As I've gotten older, I find myself in Capable more often.

One of my favorite places to visit is in Suspense!  It really gets my adrenalin flowing and the old heart pumping! 

***

Yesterday, I found myself in Adequate.  There are too many mirrors there for my comfort, which made me fully aware of my shortcomings.  If you get lost driving out of there, you may find yourself in Ability.  That's hard on your self-esteem, so beat feet out of there.

When I finish up here in a minute, I'm heading over to in Cessant.  I hadn't planned to go there today, but now that I've started this, I know that before I can even catch up, all the people in my head are going to be in Clined, where there is a huge Word Travel Agency.

I asked my readers to add words that they thought of and many did so.  To see their additional words, please go to the post here and click on the "comments" at the bottom of the post.  A new window will open and you can read all the clever an "in genius" comments! 

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And I received this from Mary H. of Carolina Cards.  She received it in an email.  It's from an unknown author:

"I think a retired English Teacher was bored. THIS IS GREAT! No wonder immigrants struggle with the English language. It took a lot of work to put this together…Enjoy!!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..

There's a two-letter word that has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,

for now my time is UP,

It’s time to shut UP!"

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And in all seriousness, I leave you with one of my favorite songs:

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you

May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you

May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift

May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young*


Enjoy!  Thank you for stopping by to visit!

*Copyright © 1973 by Ram's Horn Music; renewed 2001 by Ram’s Horn Music.

Read more:
http://www.bobdylan.com/us/songs/forever-young#ixzz2IrgBH2k6